Parents should know that divorce does not have negative effects in every case.  Of course, divorce is a difficult time for a child, but long term problems do not always have to result.  In fact, researcher Mavis Hetherington says that most children recover from divorce without long term harm and that research on the effects of divorce that have shown high rates of negative outcomes have been exaggerated (Amato, 2003).

            Research on divorce shows that not all divorces have negative effects on the children involved.  In marriages with a high rate of marital conflict (yelling, physical abuse, and substance abuse), the children may actually benefit from the divorce of the parents in the long run.  There is less conflict and a more stable home environment when one parent moves out.  Booth & Amato (2001) find that marriages in which there was not much visible marital conflict, and a divorce is a surprise to the child, is where children are most adversely affected.  Because their home environment was relatively stable, they feel that their world is being turned upside down, more so than children living in high conflict homes.  Divorce can be seen by children as a tragedy or as an escape from a bad living situation (Booth & Amato, 2001).

            When children are informed that their parents are getting a divorce, they might have many different reactions.  Leon (2003) finds that preschool age children (5 and under) are more likely to feel responsible for their parents divorce and fear abandonment, because they do not have the cognitive ability to understand exactly what divorce is and what will happen to them.  As most parents know, young children do not like change.  They thrive on very structured environments.  Divorce is a major change in the childs lifestyle.

            Some researchers claim that early childhood is a sensitive period in development, and family changes will have a bigger impact before the children have entered school (Leon, 2003).  However, Portes, Lehman, & Brown (1999) find that older children have more negative long term effects, because they understand what is going on, and can see how they are being manipulated by their parents.  Portes group used a Child Divorce Adjustment Inventory (CDAI) scale and found four factors that influence adjustment and family functioning at the time of divorce:  the external support systems of the child, the childs reaction and insight into divorce, post divorce conditions based on the level of conflict in the home before the divorce, and family functioning and stability.  Other research supports these findings (Leon, 2003; Booth & Amato, 2001).

            Other influences on childrens adjustment to divorce have been found to be based on family demographics.  When mothers age, education level, and depression level are taken into account, lower numbers in each variable have been linked to greater adjustment problems (Leon, 2003).  However, the variable that is most consistently found to create poor adjustment is reduced family income and resources (Leon, 2003; Sun & Li, 2002; Booth & Amato, 2001). 

            Childrens temperaments and parents style also have an effect on the adjustment of children after divorce.  Based on a study by Lengua et al. (2000), parenting styles that are not harmonious with childrens temperament affect adjustment after divorce.  Children with implosive temperaments and parents with inconsistent discipline styles were more likely to have adjustment problems.  The childs temperament can either mitigate or aggravate negative parenting.  This finding was confirmed in a University of Washington study which can be found at http://mentalhealth.about.com/library/sci/0101/blpstyle101.htm.

            The impact of divorce on the educational achievement of children has been controversial.  Some data find no evidence that divorce is related to educational achievement in children (Booth & Amato, 2001).  Other studies found the opposite result.  Sun & Li (2002) did an extensive study on martial disruption and the effects on childrens academic performance.  They found that children who scored lower on tests of academic performance before, during, and after the divorce compared to children whose parents were married.  Sun funds that academic performance in children of divorce follows a linear pattern, and is cumulative over time, with which Wallerstein (2000) agrees.

            Jeynes (2002) found in a study that controlled for socioeconomic status, that even when parental involvement in school is taken into account, children of non-divorced parents still have an advantage in academic achievement. Apparently Amatos (2001) finding that children of divorce have lowered academic achievement is also affected by other factors besides the divorce, such as lowered self-concepts.

            One of the most important decisions that you as a parent will have to decide is when and how to tell your child that you are getting a divorce.  Westberg, Nelson, & Piercy (2002) interviewed a number of (now adult) people whose parents had gotten a divorce.  The purposed was to see how a child feels when divorce is disclosed.  The participants were also asked how they would advise a parent to disclose divorce to the child to make it less traumatic.

            The responses varied from individual to individual, but some of the major themes were similar.  Many of the respondents said that their parents had used them as confidants.  This was generally negative for the child, because it puts them in the middle, and also put the child in the role of friend when they are not ready to handle it.  Most of the participants said that they wish their parents had shown more maturity, unity, and sensitivity to the childrens needs.  They said that the parents should have taken responsibility for their own actions and not blamed each other.  Most of the respondents also remember being confused, and suggested that the parents really explain what is going to happen to the family and to allow the children to ask questions (Westberg, Nelson, & Piercy, 2002).

            This is not always easy and even problematic after the divorce, as emotions between parents may still be strong.  Leon (2003) finds that only one third of mothers who had been divorced for more than two years could communicate well with the father of their children about parenting issues.  This is a major problem in the eyes of a child.  The parents need to be unified so that the child does not have conflicting concepts of what they are allowed to do and how their parents will respond to them if they break the rules.  The greater the hostility between the divorced parents, the more problems children were found to have. 

            If the opportunity is available, parents and children should have some counseling to help them deal with the realities of divorce and the changes that they will no doubt be experiencing.  This counseling before and after divorce minimizes the negative effects that a child might experience (Sun & Li, 2002).

            Parents should also know that most children of divorce do not have long term problems.  Amato (2003) has shown that some research studies may be as accurate as originally thought, and parents should not believe all of the studies that they read, without the knowledge that children with problems from divorce are by far the exception. 

            This does not mean that parents should not be sensitive to their childrens fears and concerns, however.  A parent can make the divorce much easier on the child if he is cognizant of the different issues and factors that may lead to problems.